Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Top 10 leaked surprises from the Bush/Obama White House tour

On Monday, Barack and Michelle Obama joined the President and First Lady for a White House tour and informal briefing. One day later, the Bush camp voiced displeasure that some of the conversational details were leaked to the press. In the interest of keeping you the most informed readership in the world, here are a few other leaked details that have been suppressed up to this point.

Top 10 leaked surprises from the Bush/Obama White House tour

10. You have to jiggle the handle of the toilet outside the oval office to keep it from running.

9. The walls of the second floor residence are covered by Willy Wonka lickable wallpaper.

8. The bust of Abraham Lincoln flips up to reveal the button which opens the panel hiding the fireman poles leading to the bat cave.

7. The Clinton Bedroom still contains the original stripper pole and magic fingers vibrating mattress.

6. The liquor bottles in the wet bar were secretly filled with colored water after a rogue house party held by the Bush twins.

5. Jimmy Carter never filled out a change of address form, so he stops by every Thursday to pick up his credit card applications and Victoria's Secret catalogues.

4. Long-time White House Press Corps reporter Helen Thomas (just like Kim Jong Il and Alan Colmes) is actually a muppet and is operated from a hole cut in the press room floor.

3. In a little-known detail of the Constitution, the founding fathers dictated that all incoming Presidents must get a "keep on truckin'" tattoo on the left bicep.

2. Legislation is currently in committee to replace the Presidential Primaries with a reality TV show in which candidates are stranded on a tropical island and viewers call in to determine who is kicked off every week.

1. The position of President is really just a front for the real ruler of the United States, Jack Bauer.

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