Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Top 10 utterly immeasurable and unprovable accomplishments thus far of the Barack Obama presidency

The US Bureau of Labor Statistics has reported the national unemployment rate has climbed to 9.6 percent--the highest in 25 years. This comes despite the billions of dollars the administration has spent in order to stimulate the economy. Barack Obama has desperately tried to divert focus from the fact that these numbers are much worse than he projected.

One laughable way he is doing so is by claiming (without releasing any supporting data) that despite the net loss, he has "saved 150,000 jobs." In addition, he has pledged to ramp up the government spending in order to "create and save 600,000 jobs."

Inspired by the rather nebulous concept of saved jobs, here is the official top ten list of utterly immeasurable and unprovable accomplishments thus far of the Barack Obama presidency:

10. The number of angels able to dance on the head of a pin has increased by 35%.

9. It has become 8.35 times less likely that Rosie O’Donnell and Barney Frank will ever conceive a child together.

8. A tree falling in the woods without anyone around to hear it makes 1.75 decibels less sound.

7. Conversely, the sound of one hand clapping has actually doubled.

6. The number of crimes not committed has increased to 21,357,687,562.

5. The pen has become increasingly mightier than the sword by a factor of 18%.

4. The universe is now slightly less infinite.

3. The mathematical value of Pi is now even more irrational.

2. Lucky Charms cereal is now 10% more magically delicious.

1. The number of Barack Obamas it takes to change a light bulb has been reduced to one. He simply lifts the bulb in place and the world revolves around him.

No comments: