Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Top 10 changes now that General Motors is owned by the Obama administration

Top 10 changes now that General Motors is owned by the Obama administration:

10. There will be no difference in the way a standard oil change is preformed as long as a simple environmental study is done and the applicable permits are obtained.

9. NASCAR advertising decals on race cars will be focus grouped to ensure they contain nothing offensive like tobacco, alcohol or American flags.

8. Pine tree air fresheners will be banned because they shockingly resemble Christmas trees.

7. Car radio station presets must contain an equal number of NPR stations as conservative talk radio stations. In addition, liberal talk credits may be obtained by listening to Alan Colmes for every minute listened to Rush Limbaugh.

6. Gone are elitist models like Buick Park Avenue and Chevy Malibu. Instead, welcome the Buick Main Street and Chevy Compton. Good bye Olds Achieva. Hello Olds Doyourbest-a. And, of course, the Pontiac LeMans will be replaced by the Pontiac LePersons.

5. Roofs of all cars will be painted white to reflect heat and reverse global warming. An exception will be made, however, if the car will be within 100 miles of a protected arctic wildlife refuge. In this case, roofs must be painted orange so as not to be mistaken as tundra by polar bears or penguins.

4. Road kill first aid kits will become a standard option on all models.

3. Teenage driver’s education must now be expanded to include a showing of Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth, a reading of Charles Darwin’s On the Origin of Species, and free condoms, courtesy of Planned Parenthood.

2. Auto bodies will be made of high-density foam to prevent the bark and branch carnage which often occurs when a car strikes a tree.

1. Everyone buys a Ford.

No comments: