This week, the halls of the legislature in the Land of Lincoln have echoed with the FBI phone taps of their executive. Instead of defending himself at the impeachment trial, embattled Illinois Governor Blagojevich has taken his case to the airwaves.
The investigative wing of The Wit Hits the Fan has obtained strategic, top-secret public relations information from the Blago camp. Without further delay, we present:
Top 10 rejected PR stunts by Illinois Governor Blagojevich
10. Star in an independent film in which he plays an over the hill professional wrestler trying to relate to his estranged daughter.
9. Vow publicly to help OJ Simpson find the real killer.
8. File a legal request to have his impeachment trial held in front of the American Idol judges.
7. Introduce evidence that there may have been a second corrupt governor, selling the open Senate seat from behind a grassy knoll.
6. Save hundreds of airline passengers from immanent death by performing a complicated emergency splash landing in the Chicago River.
5. Announce to the press that he considered appointing Oprah Winfrey for Obama’s Senate seat – sorry, he actually did this one.
4. Offer to shave his head at a pep rally in the Illinois House Chamber if he is allowed to stay in office.
3. Leak a sex tape to the press and act outraged when it’s sold on late-night infomercials.
2. Accuse Illinois legislators of trumping up the charges because they oppose his “free puppy for every sick child” initiative.
1. Three words: Blame Rush Limbaugh.
10. Star in an independent film in which he plays an over the hill professional wrestler trying to relate to his estranged daughter.
9. Vow publicly to help OJ Simpson find the real killer.
8. File a legal request to have his impeachment trial held in front of the American Idol judges.
7. Introduce evidence that there may have been a second corrupt governor, selling the open Senate seat from behind a grassy knoll.
6. Save hundreds of airline passengers from immanent death by performing a complicated emergency splash landing in the Chicago River.
5. Announce to the press that he considered appointing Oprah Winfrey for Obama’s Senate seat – sorry, he actually did this one.
4. Offer to shave his head at a pep rally in the Illinois House Chamber if he is allowed to stay in office.
3. Leak a sex tape to the press and act outraged when it’s sold on late-night infomercials.
2. Accuse Illinois legislators of trumping up the charges because they oppose his “free puppy for every sick child” initiative.
1. Three words: Blame Rush Limbaugh.
