It has been my commitment for these past couple of months to provide the truth in this blog. Well, with the looming threat of a Fairness Doctrine, I have decided to be proactive and offer a recurring feature which will provide the opposite -- just to be fair. Who would be better to provide the opposite of the truth than everyone's favorite minister of propaganda, Baghdad Bob. Please note, I have very little control over the things he says, so hate mail should be addressed to him, not me.
From the Pen of Baghdad Bob
Yes. It is being a pleasure to me to be writing to you this glorious day. I come here to defy the stinking, lying pigs that have multiplied upon the internets like stinking pigs – who lie… and multiply. (Did I already say that?)
Let me place today needful comment upon the pitiful, washed-up members of the hateful Republican Party. Surrender. You have no hope. You are destined to become a mere useless fixture in history who’s time has come and has gone – much as the Whig Party or underarm deodorant.
Even though there is no possible way that your pitiful party can be returning to power in your Congress or Presidency, I will provide to you the benefit of my advice.
Do not look to the winning strategy of holding fast to such outdated and mindless theories as letting capitalist American pigs keep more of their extravagant wages. Do not profess the antique virtues of less government spending. Who can know better how to distribute the fruits of American’s meager labors? Of course the answer is faceless, unaccountable government bureaucratic agents.
And though there is no possible means by which the Republican Party can be more than a burdensome fly to be swatted back to the camel dung from which it has emerged, there are those few enlightened members who have sage advice that should be closely followed. Just look to the success of Senator Lincoln Chafee, Mayor Michael Bloomberg, and Colon Powell (not when he weakly led the invading Zionist forces against my homeland, but when he heroically endorsed Barack Obama for President).
Another wise Republican, Kathleen Parker, has written this glorious piece to be heeded.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/11/18/AR2008111802886.html
If Republicans wish to return to power (which they cannot do – it is hopeless – surrender) they must eject all mindless lemmings who are the – as you say – the “religious right.” Reject your constraining values! Compromise! Pro-life – blah! One man one woman marriage – blah! Talk of God in your propagandist “Pledge of Allegiance” – blah! As we say in my glorious homeland “a big tent!”
I must now leave you this day in my writings. Heed my advice, though there is no hope. If Republicans wish to be of any significance (which they can never do – surrender) stray from the wretched teachings of your Ronald Reagan and your lies found in the 1994 “Contracts with Americans.” Become lukewarm and middle of the road. It is a wonderful place to be.
Do not resist my words. It is no use.
Love,
Baghdad Bob
The Minister of Propaganda
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